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I feel slightly miserable today. I think I had my bad day in a very weird yet most uncomfortable way ever. So today someone I know from work deleted me from their bbm contact (again for almost every damn time, this time without me knowing what could make them be so upset, I mean I was just ignoring em for talking nonsenses and seriously I had been nice in all of our conversations, well at least I’ve tried to, you know, unlike another cases I was really really polite to em this time since this person is someone I respect), my neighbor told me to shut the hell up because she claimed I made lots of noises with my call and she could even heard everything I said (clearly, and nothing more shocked me out than this cause I was talking rubbish during the whole conversation, geez), and someone I know, deeply know, unfollowed me from instagram (oh).

Need I say more? :(
This probably is the reason why I’m staying up late its 1.37am and I have work 6 hours later. Dang it.


I always feel more thoughtful during the night. Like tonight, I know right at this moment I should be resting and preparing myself for this morning flight back to Singapore but instead of doing that I deeply think about this pervasive topic called LIFE.

When I live the life of my own things, I don’t get nothing from it unless a lesson. That life is nothing about pursuing pleasure. For me, seeking pleasure for pleasure’s sake is never satisfying. Otherwise, the more I achive a thing, the more I need to get the higher satisfaction next time. I become preoccupied with these highs which end up controlling me.

Do what’s the meaning of life?

Some people say it’s about living it to the fullest. Some people say it’s about seeking pleasure. Some people sacrifice their life just to catch their dreams. Some are just do what is good without demanding too much. And others live just to give love. Whatever it is, I personally don’t think that life is short as some people might say. For me, life is the longest time, episode, drama, existence, and thing we will ever experience.

I am still looking for some answers though. I used to think that to be able to live my life perfectly, I have to do all possible things I can do in life and try everything at least once. I used to really get into the part of the culture we are exposed that says we need to do our own thing as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody. I used to think that whatever people do, things that they think it’s right is right for them. Because who am I to judge? Well, I am still thinking that way though, but things are just overwhelming sometimes.

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Little known fact about me is that I secretly always write a journal like almost every single night. Is that creepy? It’s more like a routine for me now, beside washing my face and brushing my teeth, writing down something on my journal is another must-do-habit I started creating ever since I can hold a pen. Just kidding, but seriously though, I may not good at selecting a good word or an impressive line, but I write every night. Well, almost. Unless I sleep with someone in the same room that will make it looks super awkward when they know you keep a journal like a drama mama, even if you actually are. Lol.

I don’t always post what I write. I don’t always write appropriate things. That’s why. Frankly, my thoughts are just dumb sometimes. Yes, I know it when I look back at them after months or years, especially those that I wrote with lots of emotions at the time. My childish emotions. I act too much sometimes. I can be super annoying by being very selfish and only thinking about myself. My head always say “who the heck am I to start complaining about things in my life when I exactly know all of the inconvenience things I never have” every single time. But in the other part, I can’t help but let my feelings to take control over all the coordination on my hand to write a cheesy journal every day. I feel so bad to be whiny over things like feelings, when, you know, there are plenty of people who worry about what will they eat tomorrow. I feel so bad. So very bad.

I know I’m selfish. But you know, weird thing about being selfish is that I know I don’t talk much about other people. I don’t like talking about other people. Not only because I don’t care (lol I’m a douchebag), but also because I don’t think I have the right to make an opinion about other people’s life. Who am I. Who am I being so judgmental. I’m a firm believer that no matter how close I am to a person, even if they are my best friend of ten years, I will never know who they really are for more than 50%. Why? Yeah, in reality I might know things that happen around them since they were still ten years old, but in their heart of heart, who knows. Even their lips can spit out lie. People live their life. People feel their feelings. That’s why I will always do my best not to talk about others, not in my journal, not in the reality. Because I don’t know them, and most importantly, I have nothing to do with it.

I wasn’t born with this habit. I’m not gonna lie, I once had a group of friends who are so excited when they start gossiping someone. I believe we all have those kinds of friends, or when you don’t have it, maybe you are that kind of friend :) Well, I understand it may bring pleasure when we can judge someone else’s life. We can say whatever the heck we want and put our opinion on particular things we like or don’t like about them. All we gotta do is just take a look at some parts of their life, and then use our logic to sync it with common sense of the societies and voila… we judge them. I know it. I know. Because I had been involved with this kind of community during my high school and college. Did I join them? Sad to say, but yes.

Call me a hypocrite, but let me tell you this. I don’t feel right about it. Okay. It’s so horrible. Mostly when the person we are gossiping is doing something that makes us think they’re cheap for doing something that we think it’s so low. It’s like… I don’t know. But, think about it. Just think about it. We know part of their life, and they don’t act like how we think they supposed to act, and then put label on them. This is especially happen amongst women. Girls don’t like other girls. Why girls, why. Just why.

I know wearing branded stuffs, dating a prince, or being famous and rich is on top of the list for some girls. I don’t say all girls are like this, neither have I said being this kind of girl is bad. You can wear Prada from head to toe and that’s cool. You can marry your deadly handsome boyfriend, and that’s cool too. You can be with anyone anywhere around the world, and that’s awesome. If you think you are lucky enough to be this “princess”, a simple advice for you: Ladies, stop trying to depress others with your fancy stuffs. You are never gonna impress other girls. Let’s be honest, you are just trying to make them jealous of you and that’s the point. Girls like it when other girls are jealous of them. I’m a girl. I exactly know how both parts feel. Well, I used to. But then again, life after life, I somehow start wondering and kinda realizing of what it’s all about. What?

Her boyfriend is so ugly, she only dates him cause he’s rich. Is talking about it making my life better?

She always dresses so skanky, she wanted to get marry when she’s only twenties, and turns out she got preggo before the marriage. Geez… she must have nothing to in life and how it has a thing to do with me?

Isn’t this crazy?

I want this… How all we people, in our life, live our own life, and stop minding on other’s.

I think it will be supercool when we can be whoever we want in our life and kick away what other may think of it. Just as long as you don’t kill or set the world on fire, be that shit.

But anyway, this is basically just my own opinion and I respect yours if it’s different. In fact, that’s what makes world goes around. And wow, this is a long post.

There never was a good war, or a bad peace.

- Benjamin Franklin

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